A Buddha
The first day of October gave me something…
Today I asked for rain and lighting and thunder. AND i got it! amazing was the feeling when i was walking back home to see that those clouds above me were turning more menacing and exstatic than i could have hoped. “please Please! let it rain,” i thought
And with that thought the sky cracked and flashed with hope of a storm… what a wonderful day to have such big fat drops of water come falling on my face and head. I worked with jay outside and smiled…the first rains of this fall…wonderouse rain!
But as the day progressed and jay left for work i realized how lonely i truely was… that i didnt really have anything tieng me to this earth… my poor dog was my only shackle that could be found…jay was also a shackle but he wasnt depending on me like bebop was, he was a different type of shackle.
I was alone for most of today and when i tried to seek out companionship i texted many people to see what they were up to but none were texting back so i went up to one of the highest peaks in glendale and watched as life passed by.
i sat on the rough ground and crossed my feet. I watched two rabbits jump and prance and chase eachother about, playing as if life was just a simple hop to the next bush…nothing could take them away from eachother. i watched as the birds flew to their next destination…who knew were any birds flew to, they remind me of obtical allusians just flying into nothing ness but they still can be seen. flies buzzing round me causing me to swat at them… watching the people in the cities below me as they passed through their daily lives never realizing i was there watching them go from place to place like ants trying to please the queen.
But there i was sitting, watching as this world turned rotated, got lighter, got darker… the sun was setting in the west and it was turning the white clouds into glass reflections of the sun. They almost looked like castles or cities of their own up there… floating as the birds did to their next destination.
But i was alone…watching all of this around me and i realized that i was the only one who was stopped in my life, I had always found it hard to follow my dreams, my decisions…I loved to choose the fanticy world over the rest of my life…what would it be like when i was married with 2 kids…the game sims never helped, its like my crack. I wanted my life to be like the sims but i realize if my life was like that it would just turn into a blip of time and then i would be gone from this world.
I sat alone, watching, and thinking about the world and what it was and i accepted it, i said, world if this is what you are then i am happy to be appart of you. I love seeing you change from fall to winter, to summer and back to winter. Listening to the music you make and feel how you change every day. I also realized that i was not a good person to you earth, that i wasnt driving the best car for fuel efficientcy, i wasnt gardening my own fruits and veggies or trying not to eat meat because it was bad for the animals and the enviourment. i think that when who ever put us on this earth truely decided to put us here i think he would have wanted us to respect this world ebcause who knows how long we would live here and maybe we are just guests to this planet, maybe when we die we do go somewere better…to our actual home. Whos to say, no one know.
I just thought that if someone anyone took one time every day to sit outside and set their phone down and watch as the animals went by and played maybe, just maybe they would accept the world as it was and like it. maybe they would think about throwing their trash on the ground or purchasing their next car or eating their next hamburger. maybe they would think about what it took to get that food, car, or piece of trash to get there. Maybe just maybe they would be selfless for just a moment and care if the smog hurt someone else or the hamburger was a dead cow or that piece of trash could be eaten by some poor stupid animal. maybe just for a moment they would become a Buddha and have compassion for this world…
