lillietheblonde

a new begging…a new day. what is one day but a series of experiences that you have learned from. i have learned a lot in one day….so much in fact that i am a changed person. my views on life have been expanded and now they can no longer fit back inside my head. my eyes are open, wide open and i can only go forth and run with that….thank you for helping me see what i need to see and feel what i had to feel to understand that i cannot just sit back and let things happen. i cant give up on something that i want and you showed me that…i will make sure that i try my hardest to show people what i actually am and not what people tell them i am or what they perceive off of me because of some minute detail. i will no longer attack with anger and frustration, and try to destroy when being attacked i will simply accept that that is the cards i have been delt and with those cards i must now play, i cant bitch or wine or complain my way out of those cards because nothing will change. i just have to play my hardest and show people that i am the best at what i do. so, i am truely sorry for yelling at you yesterday, its something that cant be changed and you cannot do anything to change it. i have to, people believed you because you seamed like the victom and thats how you wanted it to be percieved by lieng to them. but i forgive you because i hurt you.

“Pain only leads to more pain and heartache makes you loose the friendships you once thought were faultless. Forgiving someone only takes the will to do so and when you have, you think everything will be ok. until that pain that you have caused comes back to hurt you even when you were in pain for such a long time. the understating of that pain is what makes us grow, that every cause has an effect and hearing that someone wanted to hurt you, makes it harder to forgive them. But you do, and now you have to rebuild the friendship you lost because they couldn’t give themselves to you, which caused all the pain… That cause created this ripple effect and now once again you are in pain.” that was something that i wrote last night. it reminds me of everything and why you did the things that you did.

so again, i am sorry for causing you such pain because i didn’t realize that hurting you so badly would have caused me to loose so many important people in my life. again, sincerely thank you for showing me all of this i could not have learned this lesson with out you standing beside me and caring enough to try and take my rediculouse request of trying to fix something that you cant fix.